.Seizing my hand frantically she'd run into the bedroom and pulling me ontoBrendan's big double bed, she'd immediately curled up as close to me asposs...ble mewing pitifully her knees drawn up tightly to her chest, aprimitive ball of jagged nerves just seeking simple comfort and humanwarmth soon falling into a deep and profound asleep.Dear God what could have happened to reduce such a loving gentle and kindsoul to such a heart wrenching shadow of her former self ?I remember suddenly being woken. ..even my beard was coming in. I was a pathetic little queer made to stand naked in front of a big black stud while my wife was in the house. I was a fag about to have a man invade my hairy butthole. My cock retracted to a nub. "Get up on your pillow," he said then dropped his track pants revealing the thick black cock hanging between his legs. He looked more like he belonged with the other stallions in a horse corral and I wasn't an open mare. That thing would rip me apart. The reality of. I can't remember what happened exactly after that moment, something in my mind is blocking those thoughts, perhaps those moments were so bad that I don't want to remember anything.Days later, I returned to America, thinking about her and I still doing it. Every day I expect for a phone call or a message from her, but I know that nothing of that will happen.September, 2018:I wasn't ready for a new relationship yet, Guadalupe or as I used to call her "My morenita" still in my mind. I found. "Son," Mack said. "I don't know what you did them years — and I don't need to know. Whatever it was, it wasn't enough to earn your last year. But you got to find something to focus on. As bad as your life is, always remember there are those worse off."I knew he was right, but I wanted to wallow in my self-pity for awhile.Ellie wasn't about to let that happen. The week before Christmas she cornered me at dinner."I want to show you some pictures," she said. "I know we hardly mention Beth — we're.
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