I knew, in my heart, that Al wanted to whore me out. I couldn't quite get my mind around that, but I was pretty sure I was going to do it. I had been ...eeling like a whore ever since I fucked my mom and Cecil and Judy and Rachel. I thought I would have to see how it was to do it. I went to school. Most of the time I was there I thought about fucking Michael. He was a lover who liked to kiss my mouth while he was sliding that sweet dick in me. Most guys who were kissers got it wrong somehow, they. Herclaim made them useless to him even if he found them under her. Sherisked too much. It would have been her life and the baby's because Papadidn't know she was with child. But I admired her bravery. Little did Iknow her life would still be forfeited.I know now Jacob loves me, but never will it be like his love for Rachel.I accept what I can have. And I sit here in sackcloth and ashes unableto stop my tears. I still can't believe she's dead.Jacob is carrying Benjamin to me, now. It must. Doug placed the pizza slices in the middle of the table and sat acrossfrom Kelly. His expression gave very little away about what he mighthave been thinking but his eyes seemed to twinkle with some privateamusement.Kelly sipped soda again, trying to quell the hiccups and contemplatedjust jumping up and making a run for it. If I could see well enough torun and not run into someone or fall off the roof, I'd do it, hethought.All the boys were several inches taller than Kelly and looked morenearly. "The bugs you mean? You got pet names for bugs?" It's easier to be able to call them something when you're working with them," Zo began to explain. "They don't have names of their own, you see, so—" What do you mean, 'working with them?'" Miller cut him off. "You're not down there to coddle these ugly insects, you're there to be on fucking guard every waking minute!" I'm keeping a close eye on things," the sergeant prevaricated; in fact, well aware that any hostilities would be instantly.
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