Dangling just outside of reach, never something Icould partake of.I've carried this secret around inside of me since I was thirteen yearsold. But I ca...'t tell anyone about it, can I? Being transgendered has thiswonderful social stigma attached to it. It's a stigma that says you don'treally want to be a different gender. You're just confused. Twisted. Sick.A pervert. A joke. Deviant. Filth monger. Scum.Nobody takes you seriously. They think you get a kick out of wearinglipstick and pantyhose.. .. anymore...” I said it so softly that they both flinched as if I’d hit them. To Abby I added, “Come back tomorrow while I’m at the studio and take your things. We can talk in a few days and work out the details of our divorce.” I gave her no hope and no support.Fortunately they had the grace to pack a bag and go.When I was finally alone, I realized that it happened again. I was the guy Abby needed to get her over her hurt so that she could leave me and go on to the guy that she’d be with. "Shall I help you get undressed?"She put her hands on my chest and pushed me so that I fell backwards on the bed. "I can undress myself, thank you very much. It'll probably be faster if I do it."She proceeded to get undressed. When she turned her bare bottom to me, I snuck up behind her on her side of the bed and pinched her.She jumped, "Eep!" She turned and took a swing at me but I darted out of range, headed for the bath. "You'll pay for that," she said."Pay for what? I don't know what you're. She's not the owner, so strictly speakingshe's not the junkshop girl, either. Sometimes I'll go by and I'll see theowner there, a squat older woman from some Southeast Asian country, and I'llpass by, avoiding her forbidding scowl.But other times I'll be about to pass by the window of the junkshop and I'lljust know my girl is there. Maybe I've subconsciously glimpsed her in one ofthe tarnished tablespoons in the window, or maybe her dusty-spicy fragrancelingers on the doorstep I haven't even.
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