He was thirty today. He got the automated "Happy Birthday" email from HR. 30."Was thirty suppose to feel like this?" he asked himself.He was 30; he ha... all his hair, and was lean with a runner's body. He thought of himself as plain looking. He wasn't Jude Law, or Tom Cruise, but he wasn't Homer Simpson either. He was polite and a relatively nice guy. He didn't club puppies or anything like that. The few that knew him well even thought he was a pretty funny guy. The few that knew him well were. Had his dad turned up the thermostat?Struggling to sit up, he could tell something was wrong. He put a handup to rub his head. What the f...Was he wearing a hat and gloves? Now wide awake, he checked his armsand hands. He seemed to be wearing some sort of onesie. Somewhere inthe distance, he thought he heard a giggle. Pushing himself up, hestaggered over to the light switch. He flicked it twice. Nothing cameon.Cursing under his breath, he staggered out into the hallway. Again,there was a. My husband here is going to get his ass fucked for the girls tonight by that machine over there. She points to the mechanical contraption with the huge dildo attached to it. John says no way! That thing is too big. He won't shit right for a month if that goes up his ass. That was all it took and I knew my wife would think this guy is not welcome. She quickly escorts him back out the door.Breanne sits down on the couch as I stand next to my anal intruder machine. The door bell rings again. It is. My dear aunt had a motive if I accepted that my being discovered cut into her inheritance and – may be more importantly – her father’s attention. If I indulged my suspicious nature, I could imagine Deirdre deciding to bed me was her way of replacing some of the attention she was accustomed to getting from her father. If I went really out on a limb, I could imagine that she might have wanted to be the woman that warmed her father’s bed, as she had with her brother, my father Nolan. Then I could.
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