Charlie, the Chief Engineer was my boss. He played Div. 2 college football and still was in great shape. Thick arms and legs, big hands, broad shoulde...s. He was going a little bald, but otherwise...anyway. I wasn't into guys, so I didn't notice those little 'things'...signals, whatever. I had a somewhat steady girlfriend, but she went abroad that summer.Being 19 I was, it seemed, always thinking about sex. Loved jacking off to the 'Men's Magazine; I found in the guys locker room. I especially. I knew what I was doing and kept going until he came inmy mouth, he came a lot and I took it all and swallowed. I licked himclean as he softened and then put it away and fastened his zipper. WhenI looked up he was puzzled and handed me a tissue."Thanks for the tissue but I don't need it, I got everything. Thank youfor that." I'm stunned. You are thanking me? Are you okay with that?" Yes I am, more than okay. That was the first time that I have ever donethat, or thought about it. I loved. You knew I'd try to leave, didn't you!" You overestimate me, boy. I gave you what you believed you have always wanted, a chance to use your abilities to their fullest, then gave you a home and a challenging position to apply your skills to. And what do you do to repay me? You betray me by attempting to steal one of the most promising girls I've seen in years along with abandoning your post and that of your partners. You're not worth my time to tell you this."I was about to argue this with him. The times that you'd want to spend time just the two of us. The random hugs, the occasional "I love you" when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signs you had given me that I wouldn't be rejected. But, sadly, it's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently. I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone.
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