Then I came to the pages labeled June 10, 1978. I knew they were written days later, but they captured the utter despair I’d felt at Birgit’s deat.... I saw the tear-stained pages and knew that I could never, ever, simply enter this into my computer and dispose of the pages. They meant too much to me. I read every line and tears began streaming down my face as I read them. Tears, unshed for the past couple of years, now flowed freely.I paged forward, reading the things I’d written about Birgit,. Upon reaching the door, the man pounded the doorbell with his stiff, broken fingers. He felt deep inside his soul, that unless he found a warm hearth to stay by, he would be frozen in place like a dead living statue. Inside, behind the shutters, he could make out someone moving towards the door, peeking inside the window. The woman behind it stared at him with wide eyes, as if the man were a creature from her most horrid dreams. ‘Heeellpp! P-please help!’ he screamed with all his might, but it. Mahu dress like girls, hang out with girls (instead of the strong and aggressive boys), we are treated as girls, and we think like girls. We have long hair, girlish clothes, earrings, flowered bracelets, soft eyes, smooth skin, and effeminate faces. We are encouraged to be ilacocia lan sume or altogether girlish as possible. Mahu do not do the strong work of males. Instead we work with females in household chores and crafts yet we understand that our mixed-gendering has made us predominantly. Stefan massages and squeezes my buttocks and then moves on. My hope that he does something dirty is dashed, but he is a wonderful masseur. He massages me all the way to my toes and the soles of my feet, and I feel tension dropping away from every part of my lower body. He gets done with my feet, sending ripples of satisfaction up my body from my soles and then comes around the table and whispers in my ear to turn around. I decide that I want to be more direct in my requests as I turn around. I.
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