The first morning after I arrived, I checked my e-mail when I got up to see if I needed to respond to anything before my first meeting.That fateful Th...rsday morning, I got an e-mail from someone I didn't know but the title was interesting and the mail address was from my ISP so I opened it. The subject was telling in itself. It was "It Wasn't Too Big a Bite for ME to Chew. You lose."I opened the message and felt the bile surge. Here is what I read:"Hey loser: So far I have been able to chew. Dreams always cut out at vital part.Analysis: the feelings fade too quickly without some physical elementto anchor. Moving to stage three today. Normal clothing, with femaleundergarments."I closed the document on the computer and went to change Rachel.I took a small brush to the small amount of hair that Rachel had as Iwas bathing her. There was a memory here, but I couldn't let myself getdistracted by it while Rachel was in the tub. After getting her dressedand back into her playpen, I tried. “But why didn’t you tell me it was alright? Especially you, Sam, you knew I was worried.”“I need another drink,” Sam said, trying to change the subject.“No, no tell me why not,” I said pushing for an answer.“We agreed it would be up to you if you wanted to say anything or not, sorry,” Sam said, the look on her face asking for forgiveness.“Don’t be angry at Sam, it was more my idea if you said nothing it would be alright with me, but I’m glad you told me, we can have more fun now,” Pat said.“And. "What happened? Is something wrong?" Nothing is wrong, not yet anyway. But they're growing so fast and I'm concerned we're not spending enough time with them," I said, taking some share of the blame, but hoping she would see my point that it was her involvement the boys were missing the most."We do things with them," she said defensively. "Besides, their grandmother is devoted to them. It's not like some stranger is taking care of them when we're not here."She was not getting my point. I would.
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