"I'm afraid of pain. Emotional pain mostly. I've been feeling so much of it lately. And I'm afraid no one will ever like me, that everyone I ever meet...will think I'm a freak. Most of all I'm afraid of how much I want to hurt people who hurt me." Oh honey!" Izzy climbed up and lay down on top of me like I was a mattress. Her arms snaked around my neck and back as she pressed herself hard against me."Ike, there are people out there who will never like you, no matter what you do. You can't change. I had managed to be sick all over the bed, so my Mum had no choice but to change the sheets. I was secretly glad as it meant that his smell wasnt on my pillow case anymore. Once I felt better, I acted like things were normal between my brother and I. I didnt know what else to do, obviously the migraine was bad, and I needed help, but his warning of killing me sent me spiralling into a fear oblivion. Nothing happened between us for a long time after that, and we moved house in the process. I was. Yes, he cared for me and looked after me but, as far as I could tell, I was just a body for him to fuck, not someone to love. After I went out with Dan the first time, Rocky started to show more interest in me but I dismissed his overtures with, 'You had your chance for the last six months, now it's someone else's turn.' I didn't tell him that to his face though.Dan was fun to be with but I knew it was not going to be a lasting relationship but I fostered it as a way of getting back at my. .but now I feel like I should be having a cigarette."She shoved me from behind, causing me to fall partially into the car."Oh, missy... for that you will pay!" She laughed and ran across ashort bit of grass to get away, it didn't work because I made snowballs from what had gathered on the car and threw it at her.I began to smile when she tried to duck from my throw and ended up onher back in the snow laughing uncontrollably. I walked on across andhelped her up, brushing the snow from her.
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