He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says “What’s up with ...our neighbours?” and the owner of the house says “Oh that’s the Robinson’s, they’re both deaf. She’s telling him to go milk the cow and he’s telling her to go fuck herself!”An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. “I’ve got you a job” says the agent. “That’s great!” says the actor “What is it?” “Well” says the agent “it’s a one-liner”. After all my crazy dreams if one of them had nudged me while I was sl**ping I know I would have screamed like a little girl. When I glanced to my left I saw my cute neighbor. He looked scared shit less. Beads of sweat were pouring down his face and his hands were tight on the armrests. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my almost 30 years, it’s how sometimes the best way to help yourself is to help someone even worse off than you. As much as I hated to fly this guy clearly hated it more.. "People in part of Washington D.C. have four arms now," he said; "thatincludes the Capitol and the White House... and in another part of thecity, where the NPR studios are, they have another thumb where theirpinky used to be. There were several other weird changes reported fromother big cities that I don't remember, but the important thing is thatthere were a bunch of plane crashes all over the world at the momentthe changes happened, and a few more since then. The FAA has groundedall flights. Plus, Auntie Ursula was right: Don’t underestimate the power of body language), and then my magical mouth and my equally wonderful hands come in and I show them a good time for their efforts. Eventually they leave a good tip and go home with a story to tell. Everyone’s happy. (Except Grandma Georgia and possibly Baby Jesus.) The end. 9/10 would recommend.Of course I also have my horror stories. Pincers, barbs, chicken eyes, sentient hairs, tentacles with teeth… I’ve seen it all. Indeed, I can.
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