The sex I was used to. I would probably have dream sex with Lisa until the heat death of the universe, and that would be all right. But the baby. That...was a future that didn’t exist. That broke the deal I had with the part of me that would never heal properly. I shook my head. I’d get through the day. Repeat anything enough and it acquires the force of physical law. I’d been getting through days for a long time. Time to feed the cat. I checked my email on the train. As usual, nothing urgent.. Me. I am in control of this. She slowly got out of bed andliterally crawled to the shower, turned it on, and assumed the fetalposition under its pressure for a while. And she forgot about the rape fora second.She had been a guy literally hours before. And now he found himself in highschool again, and this time a girl. A girl that had a nearly omnipotentabuser.Powerless.She suddenly began to wonder where the real Michaela was. Obviously he wasin Michaela's body, but where was her mind? Had she. He was pacing back and forth,"Where's that chicken shit little girl; is she too scared to come out of the locker room?"I almost missed Lisa climb into the ring. She smiled down at me, and then glared at big mouth."I'm right here, big mouth, we'll see who's the chicken shit in a couple of minutes."All through the referee's instructions they just stared at one another; Lisa had to look up and actually looked small compared to him. I was really beginning to worry.They went back to their corners,. Maybe that way I’d be able to relax.”“And maybe you won't feel like you’re deliberately cheating on Paul?" James asked. “If you feel guilty tomorrow you might be able to persuade yourself that you were made to do it?”“I suppose so,” I replied truthfully.James’ face beamed in delight."Well, that’s normal too Pam, believe me. We both felt the same at first. Of course I can take control, but you’ll have to be clear how much… persuasion you want,” he added a little seriously.“I… I’m not sure,” I.
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